Potty Training Sucks: My Google Search Story

I discovered Google Search Stories this week. As usual I'm late to the party, but I blame the fact that the original story, "Parisian Love," wasn't aired on the Canadian networks during the Super Bowl.

I decided to create my own, based on what I know best - how NOT to potty train a preschooler. Enjoy.

The Great Leveller

You can be lying in bed, enjoying a lovely morning snuggle with your partner and kids, giggling and chatting about plans for the day. You can feel pretty blissful in the whine-free, loving moment. You start to think, "Wow, maybe we've got this parenting thing figured out." You start to feel pretty good about yourself.

Then your four-year old says to you "Mum, your breath stinks."

Thanks buddy, for bringing me back down to earth.

Hearing With New Ears

I can probably count on both hands the number of full episodes of Oprah I have watched in the last 25 years.  I am not exactly a member of the Church or Oprah, but I do think she's a force, an inspiration, a powerhouse, and a wonderful woman who has done some amazing things for individuals and society. I caught MOST of her finale episode, and she said something that really stuck with me. I went and found the transcript, so I could have the exact wording to give it context for this post.

"I've talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all 30,000 had one thing in common: They all wanted validation. If I could reach through this television and sit on your sofa or sit on a stool in your kitchen right now, I would tell you that every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: 'Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?'

"Understanding that one principle, that everybody wants to be heard, has allowed me to hold the microphone for you all these years with the least amount of judgment. Now I can't say I wasn't judging some days. Some days, I had to judge just a little bit. But it's helped me to stand and to try to do that with an open mind and to do it with an open heart. It has worked for this platform, and I guarantee you it will work for yours. Try it with your children, your husband, your wife, your boss, your friends. Validate them. 'I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me.'"

It's those last few lines that got to me. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I'm currently reading The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. In the chapter on parenting, she talks about how children really just want to be heard, and that a lot of the whining, tantrums, etc result not from not getting what they want, but from the feeling of not being heard. She goes through experiments on ways of speaking to her kids and notes that while it can be sometimes exhausting to take the extra steps to stop and really listen to your child, it ultimately makes for a happier, less stressful, less frustrating day. I know, it's kind of a "duh" concept when you're not experiencing it, but when you're smack-dab in the middle of a chaotic morning where NOTHING is going right, taking a beat to listen to your whining four year-old can be a very real challenge.

I've started trying it out with the little man. It is bloody exhausting, because I have to consciously remind myself to go against my immediate emotional response, pause and proceed with some statement that clearly acknowledges I have heard him and understand what his concerns are. The idea isn't to become the world's biggest pushover and give in to what kids want all the time, but to simply let them know you've heard them and that what they have to say matters. It's hard to do when you're trying to get two kids out the door on time and someone is refusing to cooperate, but in the grand scheme of things, who really cares if we're five minutes late but my kid is happier? Not me.

At the little man's preschool they ask the kids if they have their listening ears on. It seems to me that at most four year olds have thrown away their listening ears in favour of the "I can't hear you" ear muffs, but it's an appropriate metaphor for this new experiment. If I want him to have his listening ears on, I'd better have mine on too.

So thank you, Oprah, and thank you, Gretchen, for helping me to find my new ears.

Finding Some Happiness

There are times in your life when a particular movie, book, quote, or person comes along at the exact right moment. Something you read or hear breaks through the chaos of your life and clarifies things, even for a split second.

This happened for me recently as I began to read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. It is the chronicle of her year-long journey to try and add more happiness to her life. She wasn't an unhappy person, but she believed she could be happier and embarked on month by month process, establishing measurable goals in different areas of her life - home, marriage, parenting, work, etc. For January, for example, she made resolutions to go to bed earlier, exercise better, organize her home,etc.

Rubin has developed the "Secrets of Adulthood," a list of seemingly common sense concepts like "You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you LIKE to do," but you don't always think about until someone says them in the exact right way. I'm only up to the month of May right now but already I feel this woman and I should be great friends. Her parenting ideals and frustrations are right in line with mine, so when she refers to a book that she finds helpful and informative, I hop on to Amazon to order it. (I'm currently awaiting my copy of How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk all because Gretchen wrote about it. And because I want to talk so the Little Man will listen.)

There are a number of blog-worthy ideas in this book, and I will likely be writing about it again. Given my current "feeling stalled" situation, this book came at the exact right time. a) It's about finding more happiness and clarity in an already happy and full life, and b) it's a PROJECT. It's even in the name. I was JUST writing about how I love projects and need a new one, and lo and behold I start reading a book about one. It's like fate or something. Fate or creative marketing on behalf of the publisher. Either way, I'm pretty excited about it.

Like I said, I'm only up to May and the whole thing may fall apart by December. But stand by for more posts, I'm already working on one in my head as I type.

Look out world, I'm feeling inspired.

Old Habits Die Hard

Every month my emotions and my body go into a battle to the death. I have always been an emotional eater, a bored eater...and every month around the same time, I start to notice that I want to snack all. the. time. I finish one snack and I'm immediately jonesing for another fix of sweet or salty goodness. At this same time my body starts to get all bloaty and I start to freak out that I'm losing control of everything I worked for.

I didn't have these same cravings when I was on my journey to weight loss, so what the heck is going on now?! I'm panicking that the old Gillian is trying to make a comeback.

Old habits die hard. That's not just a saying because it's catchy. 34 years of building one set of habits cannot be completely erased by one year of better choices. Every now and then, and yes, usually once a month, the old Gillian rears her not-so-lean face and wants to eat everything in sight.

I knew when I started the process that I would have to make conscious decisions every day of my life if I wanted to stay in the body I had achieved. But after a year you get a little lazy, a little complacent and I'm BORED of making those same decisions. I want to EAT!

Sorry, that was the old Gillian. I have now squashed her back down for the moment and will choose the better road.

It's not like the old me wants ice cream for breakfast, but when Mr. Awesome brought home strawberry and rhubarb pie last night, HELL YESI had a piece. And as Weight Watchers will tell you, that's fine, as long as you have eaten accordingly for the rest of the day, or you have your extra weekly points left. Blah blah blah. (Shut up, old Gillian!) Lately I'm thinking less about points and more about the deliciousness of that second 100-calorie snack. Of course then it becomes a 200-calorie snack and that pretty much defeats the purpose of pre-portioned snacking.

A colleague told me the other day that the Vancouver Canucks play "Whistle to Whistle." They only focus on the next immediate goal, the next 30 seconds, the next play. I am making a resolution here and now that when the old Gillian tries to grab an extra snack, I will play whistle to whistle, until the urge subsides. It's a great mantra and I will recite it to myself to get through the temptation.

I may not be bigger than the old me, but I'm definitely stronger and I will win.

Just like the Canucks. GO CANUCKS GO! (Sorry, it had to be said. Game 1 is tonight.)