Like a Knife to the Heart

Let me just start this post by saying we love our nanny. She comes two days a week and she's been with us since the little man was seven months old, with the exception of my latest mat leave. She's awesome and the kids love her.

Which brings me to the guts of this post. The kids love her.

I came home the other day and the little miss was being her as-of-late dramatic self, clinging to the nanny's legs. The nanny picked her up while I was taking my shoes and jacket off, setting down my bags, etc and when I was ready I went over to see if she would come to me. Not only would she not come into my arms, but she turned away and clung to the nanny for dear life. I went around to peek at her from the other side and she actually pushed my face away. It was quite literally a slap in the face from a little girl that has, up til now, been a mama's girl.

I was telling my mum this story and she then proceeded to tell me that that very same day, while she had been out with the nanny and the kids, the nanny had taken a second to get out of the vehicle to run and get something. Well apparently my little miss burst into floods of tears and started screaming "Mama! Mama!"

Um...EXCUSE ME?

Logically, I know that all kids go through this. I remember the little man shunning me once in favour of this same nanny at around this same age, but he never (to my knowledge) gave away my title to someone else.

I get it, and I can rationalize it until the cows come home, but hearing that my little girl called someone else "Mama" was an absolutely knife to my heart.

It's a phase. I know it's a phase. And I know my baby knows who her mummy is. But at 1:30am when she's crying to be picked up and is not wet/hungry/in pain it is very hard to resist the guilt that starts creeping in and encouraging me to cradle her for the four hours she would happily stay awake.

I believe there is a balance between constant cradling, jumping to answer their every whim, and helping them learn to self soothe and find their own solutions to the basic "I dropped my doll" issues of toddler life.

But if I hear she's called anyone else Mama, I may abandon my beliefs and never put her down again. Although that could get problematic when she needs to start school...