Wednesday, September 1, 2010

GUEST POST: Don’t Let THE GUILT Get You Down

Allow me to introduce you to Kristy! I love her blog and wanted to share her with my readers so you too could know how fantastic she is. So, this is me, spreading the blog love! I asked her to write from the perspectiv of a working mother, as I'm getting ready to head back to work in just over a month and it's just starting to sink in!

Don’t Let THE GUILT Get You Down

It’s so nice to meet you all! I’m Kristy from Pampers and Pinot, and I jumped at the chance to guest post on Gillian’s Finding My Weigh.

Gillian and I began blogging about the same time and quickly developed respect for each other and discovered similar interests. You know, like drinking wine, finding humor in everyday situations, and damning our “points allowance” for the day. Gillian asked me to post about the DREADED WORKING MOTHER’S GUILT since she is soon facing her return to the working world.

When I told my husband of this post, he said, “You don’t have working mother’s guilt, do you?”

I replied, “No.”

To some, that may imply that I do not like spending time with my family (or is that the guilty conscience talking?). That is far from the truth. And, I was just (kind of) joking to my husband. I really do experience The Guilt because I am a mother, and I am a human.

But to help keep The Guilt at bay, I try to remember a few key things.

Being a working mother helps me keep things in perspective.

Not one person in the workplace is immune to gossip and generally immature behavior. Ever since I became a mom, I have been able to better handle Workplace Bullshit. When it comes down to it, none of it is as important as my son or my role as a mother. There’s nothing better than petty workplace drama to remind you of what is really important in life. Most of my problems at work do not follow me in my front door because…well, they simply cannot. There are boogers and butts to wipe, macaroni and cheese and nuggets (WITH RANCH) to make, cars to race on the floor, baths to swim in, bed time books to read, and kisses. Lots of kisses. When you have all that, who the hell cares about things like, “Can you believe she…,” “Why do we have to do it that way?” or “Do you know who comes late/leaves early every day?!” blah, blah, blah.

I enjoy my time with my family so much more when I am a working mother.

You may feel guilty thinking that, but I do not. I know it is true for me, and that is okay. I am blessed to have 8 weeks off every summer, so I get just a taste every year of stay-at-home-mom-ness. It can be rough. After 5 days in a row of pushing cars around the race track, looking at the same I Spy book, watching the Nick Jr. line-up, and looking for sticks and rocks in the neighborhood, I feel like I may as well just go bang my head against a wall. So, during that summertime break, we find ways to break it up – my husband and I get a babysitter, we drop the maniac off at daycare for a day, or we “give each other breaks.” Well, when you’re working, you don’t really need as much of that “away” time. I get home from work, and it is MY CHANCE to actually ENJOY a little time pushing those cars around the track and reading the same book again with my son. I am more PRESENT for it all.

And, finally, I believe that being a working mother is better for my son.

There are many out there that may not agree with me, which is fine. To each their own. But here’s my thinking. It is good for kids to have other experiences away from home. I call it “the scrappy-ness of daycare.” There are benefits to your child having positive, independent experiences away from home. They learn to adapt to new situations and people. They learn to solve problems without their mom around. If their daycare is a happy and healthy environment for them, they thrive in learning how to build relationships with others and this can help even build their self-esteem. I do not claim to be some kind of expert on this issue, I am mostly following my heart, speaking from experience, and drawing on background in educational psychology.

If you are a working mother, the next time you feel The Guilt, consider this. Perhaps what you call The Guilt is really just a voice reminding you that you love your family. Perhaps it is just a voice telling you that you miss your family. So, TAKE COMFORT in the fact that you will go home and embrace your family, and wipe their boogers, and make their dinner, and push their cars on the floor.

Working makes it all the more sweet.


  1. Two of my favourite bloggers on the same page - delicious!


  2. Great post, Kristy. I used to experience the guilts but I knew that I was doing what was best for my family.

  3. I have experienced the guilt even being a SAHM! Great post Kristy! :)

  4. I really enjoyed your perspective. I think we all feel guilt no matter what we do!

  5. Thanks everyone! I just want moms everywhere, no matter their situation, to not be too hard on themselves for doing what they've got to do!

  6. I agree about working moms. I don't don't work away from home, but I send my kids to the gym daycare pretty often. I think it's really good for them to be away from me and to learn some social skills.
    Great post!

  7. I totally agree! I was a stay at home mom until my youngest was 5 and I quickly went insane! My remedy was to take up distance study and form playgroups!

  8. That is a great way to look at it. I will one day enter the workforce again....we did a lot of number crunching for me to be able to stay at home. I really couldn't stand just 3 hours a day with my baby, but for some its what you have to do, and like you said some really enjoy that time away feeling more like an adult, good for you for finding that balance. :)

    Heather from Mommy Only Has Two Hands!

  9. Great post and that helps put things in perspective for me. Thanks x

  10. Lovely post! Well said about daycare, I truly believe that about the wonderful place my children go. I honestly think that the teamwork of us as parents and them during the day has been better than full time at home with mum. Their teachers are trained in communicating with kids and I have learned an awful lot from them, I have to say.