Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Wow. I'm Not Perfect. Who Knew?

Oh wait, I knew that.

I just reread last night's post and started crying. I actually considered deleting the whole post but I started this blog as an honest look at motherhood and my life, and deleting it would be anything but honest. Those were the feelings I was having in that moment. This is not a blog about being the perfect mom - a) I don't think that's possible and b) I would never have anything to write. I also know that there are women out there going through the same sort of thing, and maybe, just maybe we can commiserate and not feel so alone in the struggles. I will never delete a post just because I'm embarrassed about the feelings I was having when I wrote it.

Our kids are the two best things we've ever done. We're still getting to know the little miss as she grows and learns every day, and the little man is an awesome kid. He's excruciatingly shy with other kids or in large groups, but when it's just us or with a few friends around he's hilarious. His observations and funny little mannerisms melt my heart every single day. My heart is on a constant roller coaster between melting from the cuteness and then freezing from the whining, but I tell myself the freezing phase has to end sometime. It will likely be replaced by a lasting and all-consuming panic as he starts to gain some real independence and wants to walk to school alone or God forbid one day drive the car.

I read the last post to Mr. Awesome this morning and he's in favour of paper plates and nudity all the way. Big surprise. While nudity is fine, the paper plates will just create a lot of garbage and I'm not ready for rats to move in while we're sitting around naked. That's just not good hygiene.

In an effort to get back on track and avoid the infestation, I've already done a load and a half of laundry and the little man now has pants. I went to unload the dishwasher and I was about 12 items in when I realized it didn't get turned on last night. I was putting away dirty dishes. I am awesome. I am a freaking goddess of domestic grace. Perhaps I need to just stop and take a moment before I'm serving raw chicken and uncooked spaghetti.

I am going to set myself some manageable goals for today. Here's a start:
  1. Breathe.
  2. Play trains with the little man.
  3. Take both kids for a walk (if it's not raining).
  4. Finish the dishes.
  5. Get through two more loads of laundry.
  6. Make dinner.
I would also like to mow the lawn if it's not raining, but in an effort to curb my unrealistic and over-achieving tendencies I will leave that off the list. Maybe.

So, like I said, I'm not perfect. I'm not even close, but perfection isn't very interesting anyway. I'm just a basket case so I can be interesting for you, my readers. Yeah, that's it.


  1. Gill!

    I really like your last two posts, they remind me a lot of myself at times, even though I am 25, single, live with my parents and have no children! We are, at our very core, YES women, we say yes to the important people in my life, and focus on what *really* matters - paper plates and nakedness are completely acceptable, as long as the naked people eating off the paper plates in your home are safe and happy! :o)

    I had an amazing afternoon with you yesterday, and it reminded me of a previous amazing evening I spent with you when the little man was about the little miss's age . . . you were there for me when I needed you, and I will forever wade through toys and laundry to get to you . . . and next time I'm over, maybe even help you do a load!

    Much love!
    The Substitute Traveller ;o)

  2. I'm loving the list. I do that too. Usually when the weekend hits, I list all the necessary things for the weekend and it frustrates me when one or two things inevitably don't get crossed off. And, it's so true to think, "Ok, if I can play race cars for a little while with the maniac and get the dishes done today then we're good."

  3. "I am a freaking goddess of domestic grace"
    lol you crack me up! I would die is someone showed up unannounced at my house!

  4. We all have our ups and downs. My house is NEVER perfect and it always feels like we got if we are lucky 2 more days of clean clothes. That has to do with the fact that I don't fold clean laundry though and it sits in the clean basket until we wear it. Take a break for a day or two. Then just ATTACK. Today I felt very overwhelmed. My house was a mess and my MIL is coming over tonight and there was dog hair clumps everywhere I looked. After feeling all morning like I couldn't bring myself to clean I said F that and did it. One hour later my living space was clean.

    OK I so did not mean to sound all "hey look at my problem". I meant to show you we get it, we all do. It's just a funk you got to climb out of and by the sounds of it you are doing that today.

  5. We had friens over for a very hit and miss dinner at he weekend. The house was pretty messy and the kids were very loud. Whilst I was dithering over how to apologise/excuse the crap, one of our male guests said "I love coming over here. It is so chilled. No demon housewife wiping up every three seconds. And the kids are always so happy." I nearly sank to my knees for him......I resisted. But his comment made me realise that whilst clean is good, happy kids is the aim.

  6. I love this. It reminds me completely of me.

    In my saner moments.

    He he. I love Lucy's comment. THAT is what it's all about. It's just taken a number of mini and mega crisis for me to learn that.

    Welcome to normal. :)

  7. Hey, that list sounds like a PERFECT amount of work and play. Hope you had a good day!

  8. I did manage to accomplish all the things on this list, plus I mowed, aerated and reseeded the the middle of a thunder and hail storm no less. I think I needed to get out some frustration by getting completely drenched!