Time Out in Aisle Five! (Or How I'm Under House Arrest)

The whining is back. Not nearly to the degree it was here before, but it has definitely returned.

As I've mentioned before, Mr. Awesome and I can be hardass parents when needed. Never ones to shy away from a challenge, we bravely faced sleep training head on. Twice. (It took us a while to become the hard asses we are today.) Sleep training actually trained US for the times when we have to sit and listen to the little man scream at us for some atrocity we have done to him or some precious toy we have removed after it was lobbed at our heads.

Our sleep training loosely followed Dana Obleman's Sleep Sense program, and given the fact that is pretty much saved our marriage, I am a true believer. She sends out emails every now and then with tips and solutions, most of which haven't applied to us since the sleep problems ended, but once in a while one will come along that's proven very useful.

The other day an email arrived from heaven Dana and it was entitled The One Weekend Whining Cure. Um, hello?! Invest ONE weekend and say goodbye to whining forever? I'M IN! Without going into all the details, the basic "One Weekend Whining Bootcamp" premise is that you give a time out every time the child whines. She says to explain the plan to your child, choose a consistent location, get an egg timer, and go for it. (Again, there is more to it that just this, but I don't want to violate any copyright laws. There's a scary warning on the first page.)

Now, we typically don't always follow every child-rearing rule to the letter. For example, we have yet to buy the egg timer. For the most part though, even the promise of a time out is now enough to get him to speak in a "big boy" voice. Yes, we have to threaten promise this at least 20 times a day, but it does seem to be making a difference. With one rather GLARING hitch.

How the HELL do you give a time out when you're out of the house? The carpet at the end of our hallway doesn't exactly come with us to the grocery store, and I'm not about to sit my son down with an egg timer in the middle of frozen foods. So how do you make good on your promise that any whining results in a time out when you can't follow through?

I'm certainly not one to sit home all day every day, given the lack of decent daytime programming on television. When we were kids, parents didn't think twice about locking a misbehaving kid in the car if the situation called for it. Now, we would get Child Services on top of us before we even pressed "lock" on the car remote (not that I'm considering this tactic). Although strapping him into his car seat and walking away does seem tempting at times...I swear I would leave the window open. Please don't report me. I'M KIDDING.

How do you deal with difficult behaviour when you're out of the house? Do you just ignore it? Do you do time outs, no matter where you are? Do you promise a time out when you return home, even though a three year old's memory of the incident will have been wiped clean by the large excavator you saw on the drive back to your house?

I'm at a loss. I may have to stay home forever and start watching TLC marathons of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" and "Say Yes to the Dress." That alone could be useful as punishment for whining. I may be on to something here... discipline by daytime TV.

I Don't Hate My Three Year Old

When I was little and I told my mum that I hated somebody, she told me that hate was a very strong word and didn't apply to how I was feeling. She told me that to hate someone meant that I "wanted to go to war with" that person.

Well, I am at war with my three year old. The little man and I are on the battlefield of the evil country of Preschoolistan. (Side note: I told Mr Awesome that I needed a good "country name" for this paragraph and without thinking he replied "Billy Jo Bob." He obviously misunderstood what I meant. I digress.)

So, I am at war with the little man. Like any war in history, the root of our conflict is a difference in beliefs. I believe that it is NOT okay to throw things when you are upset, he disagrees. I believe it is NOT okay to hit your sister on the head, he disagrees. I believe it is NOT okay to pee on the couch, he disagrees. I believe it is NOT okay to whine, he blatantly disagrees. We are at an impasse.

He fires a round of whining in my direction, I blast back with a time out. He lobs a book at the little miss's head, I answer with another time out. He throws his favourite toy "Leo" in anger, I rally with removing Leo for the whole day. He launches (thankfully not literally) a poop grenade into his underpants, I...well, let's face it. I clean it up. A poop grenade is not something that you can really punish. It's just something I live in fear of every day. It's my 1980's nuke and he holds control of the big red button. But poop really isn't part of this story. Okay, it factors into every story somewhere, but it's not the POINT.

We have made some headway. The whining is diminishing slowly. We've come to a point where he's starting to understand the time out concept and the consequences of his actions, but on a very short term basis. Consistency is all-important now and we are standing firm. Any sign of weakness on our part will send us retreating back over the bridge we fought so hard to cross. This results in a LOT of time outs each day. We try and keep the time between time outs positive and full of love, but after the 11th time out of the day it gets a little challenging. Bedtime can be a very welcome thing some days.

I don't hate him. I will never hate him. I love him unconditionally. But, by my mum's definition, do I want to go to war with him? Honey, I'm already there.

And there will be no surrender.

Does Your Fitness Take a Vacation?

When you go on vacation or a business trip, do you try to keep up with your weight loss and/or fitness? We were recently away for a weekend with friends and I was adhering to my points tracking. I went over on one day (lasagna, yum!) and one of my friends said "Oh well, you're on vacation."

Does that matter? Sure, one day is not going to make or break anything, but it's a slippery slope. If I'm on a 10-day cruise and subscribe to the "on vacation" philosophy, I'll quickly put back at least 10 of the 50lbs I've lost so far. As I've mentioned in many a post before, I am lazy. I already LOST that 10lbs and I don't want to have to do it again!

We've been away a few times since I started this journey and each time I've put some pretty significant thought into the planning where food and exercise were concerned. Significant, but worth it every time. It's really not that hard once you know what to think about, what to look for, etc.

Below are some things I have done and/or will be doing in our upcoming trip planning. Let me just say, I am not trying to be a Debbie Downer, guilting you into working out on your vacation or denying yourself some holiday treats. I just know that for ME, I can't indulge in a big way without paying the price on the scale and that's something I'm not prepared to deal with. Enjoy your vacation time, enjoy your family and friends, and do what is right for YOU.

Staying with friends:

• If you belong to a gym at home, do they have a reciprocal program with any gyms where you will be staying?
  
• Ask your friends about local community centres that have gyms, pools, etc.
• Is there a good, safe area for walking?
• If you're driving, take along a set of 5lb weights. Do not attempt this if you're flying, as these days you need all the baggage allowance you can get. Not to mention they might consider it a weapon...
  
• Ask your friends to talk you through the food plans for the time you'll be there - whether they're cooking or you'll be eating out, it's way better to be able to plan ahead and track/eat accordingly.
• If your friends aren't typically low-fat eaters, ask if it's okay to bring some snacking veggies, low-fat salad dressing, etc with you.
  
• Take a favourite workout DVD with you. Steal an hour in their TV room or alone with your laptop (get your mind out of the gutter) to get in your workout.
  

I know it's a stumbling block sometimes, but I find it makes things easier if you're open about your process and goals. If your friends understand what you're going through and working towards, they will (I hope) be happy to help you however they can. I know it can be a challenge to find the balance between being a courteous houseguest and asking for a few selfish concessions to help you stay on track, but you can do it. Our friends made the MOST delicious sausage pie while we were staying with them. She took me through the recipe and the whole pie was over 100 Weight Watchers points. Yowza! I has 1/12 of the pie and a LOT of salad (with my dressing), it was awesome, and I didn't feel I'd missed out.

Staying at a condo or timeshare:

• Make your own meals as much as possible. You'll be in control and you'll save money!
  
• Does the property have a gym or a pool?
  
• Is there a DVD player? I take my copy of the Biggest Loser Last Chance Workout along just in case. It's only 40 mins including warm up and cool down, so it doesn't eat into your vacation time too much.
• Check out the list above, as a lot of those ideas will apply no matter where you're staying.
  

Staying at a hotel:

• Almost all hotels now have a gym of some sort. A good portion of my current workout can be done without machines, so I can make a routine out of even the most basic equipment. Even if the workout is short and not as intense as I would do at home, I still feel better for have done SOMETHING.
  
• If your hotel doesn't have a gym, ask at the front desk if they have any arrangements with nearby hotels or fitness centres to allow guests to use the facilities there.
• If your room has a mini fridge that isn't stocked with over-priced snacks that you get charged for the minute they're moved, consider getting some on-plan breakfast food to eat in your room. Breakfast is one of the most challenging meals at restaurants, as the toast will invariably arrive slathered with butter and God forbid you send that delicious piece of heaven back!

No matter where you're staying, you can also look for active tourist activities. Mr. Awesome and I are planning a kid-free escape (Hell YEAH!) to Napa and San Francisco in a couple of months. One of the activities we already know we want to do is to rent bikes and ride across the Golden Gate Bridge into Sausalito.

Are you kidding me?! Six months ago you could barely have paid me enough to even consider this type of activity, but life looks a lot different on this side of that 50lbs. This is why I make an effort to keep on track, even if we're on vacation. I have made a lifestyle change. I'm not on a temporary program that I will finally be "done" with when I reach my goal. This is for life.

Not to mention, all that bike riding will make up for all the wine I intend to drink in Napa. After all, I'm on vacation, right? :)

The Debfit Method - A Book Review

I was recently given the opportunity to review a new fitness and weight loss book, The Debfit Method© Weight Loss Secrets by Deb Leblanc. Given my new found love of fitness and my weight loss success, I was curious to see what it was all about.

Leblanc is a Canadian author, and 20 year expert in the fitness and weight loss fields. There is a history of obesity in her family and she herself has struggled with weight issues over the years. Knowing that she's been through the journey and can identify with the challenges her readers may be facing makes the book really accessible. That and her frank, easy writing style make it feel more like you're getting advice from a friend that knows her stuff, as opposed to some distant doctor or muscle head that doesn't understand what you're going through.

A big component of The Debfit Method© is the 3-Day Cleanse, but given the fact that I'm still breastfeeding I wasn't able to try it. The cool thing about this particular cleanse is that it doesn't have you popping 40 capsules of supplements a day. In fact, it is basically supplement free. The one thing she does recommend is acidopholus, and has included acidopholus capsules in the cleanse "menu."

Leblanc does stipulate that the 3-Day Cleanse will work best if you can lock yourself away for the whole time, running all your errands, doing all your cleaning, etc before you start. Perhaps one day Mr. Awesome will take the kids away for a weekend and I will actually be able to try it. For now, and until the little man stops interrupting my bathroom visits, I'll have to wait to give it a try. I did read through the recipes and the plan, and not only does it look easy enough foodwise, but she also includes lots of time for naps! THAT is definitely enticing, so I may need to look at shipping off the family sooner than later...

A large portion of the book is 26 Trainer Tips, with everything from a "dry brushing" cellulite fix to strategies for managing cravings. They are all common sense concepts, some you will have heard before and some that might be new information, but put together it's a great list of tips aimed at making your fitness journey better and your body and mind healthier.

One of the things I like best about this book is her direct approach. She doesn't beat around the bush and basically tells her readers that it is going to be hard work. There is no magic pill, no quick fix to losing weight and getting fit. If you only answer "I think so" to the question of whether or not you're dedicated to losing weight, Leblanc goes so far as to suggest putting the book away for a while until you're ready to fully commit. I like this style, because as you know from my post about excuses, I'm tired of people complaining and making excuses for why they can't get fit. If you're going to do it, DO IT! There is no time like the present!

To learn more about Deb Leblanc, you can visit her website at www.debfit.com. You can order a copy of The Debfit Method© Weight Loss Secrets on Amazon.

A Slowly Forming Philosophy and an Award!

When I first started blogging, I joined a number of blogging community websites to learn as much as I could, make connections, etc. On one of the many profile questionnaires I filled out, I was asked "What is your blogging philosophy?"

Insert blank stare, punctuated by blinking. My blogging philosophy? I had no idea how to answer that. I had never blogged before, and I was only just starting to read the work of other bloggers. The world of blogging was still brand new to me and it was like I was learning a whole new language...which in fact I guess I was. How was I supposed to have a philosophy about something I knew nothing about?! I hardly have a philosophy about things I KNOW about!

I recently received a new award, the Blog With Substance award, from Dania at Life as a Cuban-American Mama. One of the "requirements" is for the award recipient to state their blogging philosophy, motivation and experience in five words (that's five separate words, not a clever five-word sentence in case you were wondering). There it was again...the elusive blogging philosophy.

In a relatively short time I have written a bunch of blog posts, joined a number of blogging groups, won a few blogging awards and been to several mom blogger events. Am I now qualified to have a blogging philosophy?

Let's start with the five words. Here are five words that represent what motivates me to write and the elements I try to maintain in my writing: HONESTY, HUMOUR, SHARING, RELATABILITY (is that even a word?) and WELL-WRITTEN (technically two words, I know, but the hyphen makes everything better).

I try to inject some humour into all my writing, keeping even the most raw posts digestible. The humour is usually at my own expense, but what's self deprication if not funny? The one thing I always try to be is honest. A friend of mine told me it actually feels a bit weird for her to read my blog as it's like looking into my soul in a way she never has before. I guess that means I'm being pretty honest. The next two words are in that same vein. The biggest thing I've found with my blogging and time on Twitter is that there are hundreds of people out there going through pretty much what I'm going through at one time or another. Even though it's awful to be glad someone else is having problems, it makes it SO much better to know you're not the only one dealing with a screaming toddler that drops poop grenades every half hour. By sharing the truth of what I'm going through in the highs and lows of my life, I hope people can relate and take comfort that someone else is feeling the same things they are. Or feel better about their own lives because this crazy woman with a blog can't get five minutes on her own for a bathroom break! (Does it scare you that "bathroom break" has a link?)

The last item, a well-written blog, is something I strive for but as someone recently pointed out, you never fully know for sure if you've achieved. I do my best to use proper (or at least entertaining) grammar and always double-check spelling before hitting "publish." My punctuation may be flawed at times, but I don't think it's awful and you will NEVER see a your/you're or lose/loose mix-up unless my blog is taken over by bad writers from outer space. That will be the sign...keep you're eyes open.

So there you go. I guess I have a blogging philosophy after all. It's almost more like a pledge to you, my readers. I promise to share my thoughts and experiences honestly and with a touch of humour. I hope you can relate! As for well-written...well, I'll do my best.

Now, onto my official responsibilities as a recipient of the Blog With Substance award.

1) To accept this award, start out by thanking the blogger that passed it onto you Thank you Dania! Check her out at Life as a Cuban-American Mama.

2) Sum up your blogging philosophy, motivation and experience using five (5) words. Done and done.

The final step to accepting this award is recommending 10 other blogs you believe are "Blogs with Substance".

Below are some of the ladies I've met in the local blogging community here in Vancouver. Their blogs are awesome, open and relatable. Please check them out.

Crunchy Carpets
www.strocel.com
See Theo Run
Wave the Stick
A Lot of Loves
Emerging Mummy
The Tsunami Mommy
Earnest Girl (writing for www.yummymummyclub.ca)
Fashion Forward 40
Mama in the City

What's The Point?

When you're breastfeeding while on Weight Watchers you get extra points - 10 if you're breastfeeding exclusively, and 5 if you are supplementing with formula or feeding your baby solids. When I first started I was allowed FORTY POINTS. I could hardly even eat as many points as I had at my disposal! I never touched my weekly flex points or counted activity points, I just didn't need to. I wasn't sure if breastfeeding would work this time around, but now I had yet another reason to be grateful it did. As my weight went down I had to adjust my points, but it was slow and easy to get used to because I had started with so many.

Every week the weight dropped off. Every single week the ladies would exclaim at my success as I plowed through the gold stars and coveted keychain charms. As of last week I was 1.4lbs away from having lost 50lbs. Given my weekly losses I figured it would be a walk in the park to hit that target this week. Everything should have been fine. Never get cocky.

For the first time since I started Weight Watchers, I gained this week. A measly, minimal 0.2lbs, but it was in the wrong direction. And I knew it was coming. I worked out and stayed within my points, but given my addiction to the scale, I was well aware that things were not looking good.

The little miss finally started solids a few weeks ago, and just this week she really started getting it. She's trying everything and getting hungrier at every meal. I knew that I would have to reduce my allowance by five points soon, but I was waiting until she was eating solids regularly before making the shift. And then waiting some more.

It wasn't going to be easy. Given the enormous points allowance I started with, I was used to snacking to use up points. I have a wide variety of 2-point snacks in my cabinets and Skinny Cow treats in my freezer. I have a mid-morning snack, an afternoon snack, and (at least) one after dinner treat. It's kind of ridiculous how much I could eat each day.

The time has come. She's feeding less and I've been eating the same amount, and the scale is showing the result. One of us is going to have to change something. Short of shoving my breast into her face and forcefeeding her, it looks like I'm the one that's going to have to give.

Dammit.

After the weigh-in this morning, I made the painful decision to make today the day. I went from 35 glorious, ice cream filled points down to 30. It probably wasn't the smartest day to do it, given that we had sushi for lunch with a friend in from out of town, and Friday night is always pizza night (1/4 of a Dr. Oetker "Vegetale" pizza is only 4 pts!). I allowed myself one 1-point snack this afternoon and a Skinny Cow for dessert.

It is now just after 11:00pm and I AM HUNGRY. And I am out of points for the day.

It's like I'm starting Weight Watchers all over again and need to relearn how to manage each day's food. Just when I thought I had it figured out.

I am NOT looking forward to when the little miss is weaned and I have to give up ANOTHER five points. What the hell am I supposed to eat then?!

I may have to keep breastfeeding until she moves out. Anything to keep my Skinny Cow.

A Distorted Reality

I am so confused. I have no idea what I look like.

The weight loss process, although quick in the grand scheme of things, has actually been fairly gradual. I've been "in" this body the whole time, and although I feel stronger and healthier, I don't feel that different. Because I basically banned any photographs over the last three years, I don't have a picture (in my head or otherwise) of what I looked like before, so I sometimes forget just how far I've come.

I try on clothes that I wore before I started this process and it's obvious that I'm smaller. Hell, I try on clothes I wore a month ago and they're too big. I know that I look different. Judging by the reactions of people that haven't seen me in a while, I look a lot different. The compliments are awesome, but sometimes it's almost as if I don't believe them. It's like the fat kid inside me argues and tells me not to listen to them.

I think it's going to take some time before I'm comfortable in my new, smaller skin. I spent almost 20 years at the "obese" end of the spectrum and there are a lot of feelings that come with that. I still default to the feelings I've lived with for years, even though I'm wearing a size I haven't worn for years.

When someone has changed so drastically on the outside, shouldn't something on the inside change too? Not to say I'm not still me, but when does the fat kid shut up so I can enjoy being the hot mama?

Working Moms Rejoice!

It shocked and saddened me when I found out a few years ago how the US recognizes maternity leave. As I understand it, women are given up to six weeks DISABILITY leave when they give birth. Um, excuse me?! Disability? Women become disabled when they become mothers? That terminology is absolutely disgraceful. Maybe the psychosis that sets in when their little darling enters the terrible twos can be called a disability, but not when they experience the miracle that is creating another human being.

And hello?? SIX WEEKS? At six weeks postpartum with the little man I was still in breastfeeding hell and could only JUST sit down somewhat comfortably. That paints a pretty picture - a weepy, leaky woman sitting on an inflatable donut operating a loud, pulsating breast pump in the "privacy" of her office, cubicle, or the public washroom down the hall. Not exactly the prime candidate for success in the workplace. I know that women are "allowed" to take up to three months unpaid, but then they have to leave their new bundles of joy or choose not to return to their jobs. If you're not independently wealthy and actually do need to work, it's then the mad rush to find childcare, and suitable work clothes to fit over the weird and wonderful shape that is the post-baby body.

In Canada we definitely have it better, but it still doesn't exactly encourage women to a) strive for career success or b) populate the planet. We are allowed to take up to one year's leave. That is 17 weeks maternity and 35 weeks "parental" leave, which either parent can take. We receive 55% of our income from the Employment Insurance program, which is pretty good in comparison, I'll admit.

Some companies provide "top up" of varying degrees to subsidize the income of the parent on leave, but these companies are the exception and not the rule. I work for a charity, so understandably they are unable to top up maternity leave. It's tight, but we're making it work for the opportunity to have me home for the year.

I return to work in four months. Mr. Awesome is self-employed so we need me to work full-time to provide a regular, guaranteed level of income and health benefits for the family. As I've mentioned before, I really love my job. I work for an organization dedicated to women's health, and it stands to reason that they would be understanding to the female employee's needs. If I have to leave the kidlets, I'm lucky to be going to work somewhere where I like the people and I believe in what we're doing. As an employer they provide an environment that is very supportive and flexible to all employees, not just the women. They provide opportunities to work from home, work flexible schedules, take family time if necessary...basically work/life balance is a big priority.

The good news is, my employer is no longer as rare a commodity as I once thought they were. I thanked my lucky stars (and still do) to have found an organization that still allows me to be a mom without overlooking me for growth opportunities. But it turns out more and more companies are seeing the light.

Being a loving, attentive mom and being a driven career woman no longer need to be mutually exclusive. Companies are figuring out that if they want the right person in the role and that person happens to be a mother, they might have to make some accommodations to keep her.

A friend of mine just sent me the link to the 2010 Progressive Employers of Canada List.

From their website:

We would like to congratulate all the companies who have been recognized on the 2010 Progressive Employers of Canada List. They are among a select group of “mom-friendly” employers who are leading progressive change in the Canadian workplace for working parents and their families. To view the complete 2010 Progressive Employers of Canada list click here.

Connect Moms, momcafé and Lisa Martin International (founder of the Briefcase Moms Program) initiated the annual Progressive Employers of Canada List, after conducting a nationwide survey in November 2008 to determine what women, and moms in particular, who are traditionally underrepresented in the workforce, were looking for in a workplace of choice. The survey found that organizations need to offer a range of the following services or benefits to be considered supportive environments for working parents including:

* access to emergency childcare

* lactation rooms

* flex-time

* on-site daycare

* part-time or contract positions

* maternity and parental leave top-up

* health benefits

Well HALLELUJAH! This is a list of workplaces that GET IT. There are a few names on the list that I would expect given the nature of the work they do or type of organization, but there were also a few surprises. Big corporate names like Coast Capital Savings, DELL Canada and Kraft Canada jumped off the screen. Where I would have thought that these might have been male-dominated industries, these companies are providing opportunities for women to thrive.

Pretty darn cool if you ask me.

Are you a mom working away from your home? Does your company understand (and make allowances for) the demands you face as a parent?